Adventure: Eight Twenty-Five and Fifty-Nine Seconds

This morning I saved some ducklings from the evil road. There were five, and my sister and I fretted as they neared, so I crossed the road and scared them back, but I ended splitting them up. I swear one was caught by a crow and eaten. That made me sad. I saw it, I know I did.

I rescued on from the road, and laughed a bit as it kept squatting on the ground to hide. I picked it up, held it as it struggled, then let it go on its way.

~

In the afternoon, I took the long way for a walk, because the road is really boring. I was away for an hour and ten minutes, and managed to be chased by a dog, stalked by donkeys, swooped by butterflies, find three dead butterflies, a snake, a lizard splattered on the road and 5c piece sized toad, which I obliged to their deaths.

~

He was sad today, because so much happened to him the night before.

It was ironic that he was sad, because I was crying about him yesterday.

I need to stop thinking about him. It's really annoying me. I'm getting pissed off with myself.

~

Sincerely,

Celine

Death: Nine Twenty and Twenty-Seven Seconds

I caught the cockroach that had been bothering me last night. I gave it to a friend for her art project, and she took macro photos of him as he lay dead in the container I had left him in. I feel sad because she told me her group was shaking him around. I become sad when I know that the ant on my shoe won't ever find his way home.

~

On the weekend, I was blitzed at work. I talked to him at night over the internet. He finally opened up to me, and said one thing about how he felt, and that elated me. But now, I'm just the biggest emotional wreck ever. He gave a flower to a girl he's known for a few years. You know the type: tall, pretty, plays guitar, sings and writes music. Then he left to go to the Guidance Counselor for however long.

I never went to talk to him at lunch because he was busy, then I suppose, he completely forgot about me and went on with his day. I just wish they'd hurry up and start dating each other. This is such a timely process, and it's killing me. They're the perfect match for one another. It just makes me so sad to know that there's nothing for me in him and that I have nothing to offer that he doesn't already have. I'm not pretty, I'm not tall. I can't sing, or dance. I'm not outgoing, or...any of the things she is. All I do is talk to him when he's online or not with other people. That's not often. I know I'm just in his way.

I'm not good enough, and that makes me cry. It makes me cry to know that all my friends are with, or have been with, a partner and that I never have. That nobody likes me. I'm sad and I'm sorry.

~

Have a happy day,

Celine

Slipping: Ten Eighteen and Twenty-Nine Seconds

Another few days missed. I tried keeping it consistent, but there's sometimes too little to talk about.

~

On Thursday, my sister went to play tennis with her friends at the park, and I went for a walk down the road at six. It was pretty nice and quiet out, and I took a picture that may be good enough to use and a profile image for myself. God knows I'm horrible at editing photos, therefore there's nothing here for me. Mum sent me a text to see if Meagan was at the park down our road, but she wasn't there, so I walked back and we went to pick her up at 7.

Her friend's mother was there. She was in a crash last year, but now she's recovering well and can walk with crutches. We took Meagan with us and went to buy some stuff. I got some dark chocolate for Dad's birthday and $20 credit for music. I had to withdraw money to pay back half of my mother's money for the dress. I'm really considering buying another dress from the website: http://annahousefashion.com

It's such a beautiful dress... I just don't think there's any partner for me at this school of mine...

~

Henry showed my some music by a band called Dethklok. They're an animated death metal band on a show called Metalocalypse. I haven't seen an episode, but I watched the music video for Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle. I bought Better Metal Snake, along with Close to You (Carpenters), Chasing Pirates (Norah Jones), Bird (Tristania), Northbound (Leaves' Eyes) and Let Her Cry (Hootie & the Blowfish).

~

We also went to the market today and I got an empty liquor bottle for Art. I have to draw more of the stick figure characters and make them cover the whole of an A2 piece of paper. That's...gonna be a lot of work.

~

Kudos, Humans,

Celine

Uneven: Four Twenty-Five and Thirty-Eight Seconds

I know I missed a day, but it's because there was nothing to talk about. Today we went to YLead, a year 12 seminar about how we need to be leaders. It was the most fun I've had this year, and I got to spend time with my friends out of uniform. We had to dance in groups of 6 or 7.

~

I was in a group with Steph, Henry, Adam, Cassie, Dylan and him. We each had to contribute two dance moves to the YLead Leadership dance, which consisted of:
- Slapping our knees
- Clapping our hands
- Doing a DJ disc thing...
- Mashed potato and a circle with our hips
- Peace signs and lifting our knees

However, all that was contributed was thrusting and various sexual body movements... He made us pump our chest with a heartbeat, and thrust to deal cards. Dylan made us thrust and spin like Michael Jackson. Henry made us lick our hands and rub our chest with it and eat tuna. Steph made us do the Shopping Cart and head-bang. I made us jump with an arm in the air and raise our arms, thanks to him... Adam wanted us to do this goose thing, and Cassie was to be a lasso. They never got to do it, because the guy said if you're last, then you're not a leader or a thinker, so you do not get to do your moves...

We also had to run through a spinning rope, and talk about why we wanted to be leaders, dance to a song... "When love takes over, yeah!" ...That one. And write what we thought of people on their backs.

Mine... makes me appreciate my friends and feel appreciated. People I didn't expect to write on my shirt wrote there...

Him: Someone who is actually there for me.
Henry: You're awesome! You're a gamer! You're honest! I'll miss you when school is over.
Steph: I love you because you're always honest and caring. ;D
Ellen: You may be quiet but you have a kind heart and are a nice person.
Renee: You're awesome, Celiney. Not afraid to be yourself.
Tonya: Doesn't care what people think.

But one I don't know tells me I'm beautiful...

Disappointment: Nine Fifty-Nine and Six Seconds

I don't know what to expect now. He's not around when I want to talk, and he never replies. I'll just confront at school, where that's way easier. I haven't talked to him for a week. I'm just sick of this. Of expecting something when there's nothing. It's like being a kid waiting for your father to pick you up from soccer practise, but he's late 'cause he was drinking. I'm gonna be patient, though, because I really do like him...

~

On the 13th, I cleaned up a boy's vomit.

On the 14th, I was made fun of by a workmate.

Today, Henry was sick and went home. We got our year 12 jerseys with some difficulty, as mine wasn't even in the box with  M, N, O and P. How frustrating. But, I got it. When I got home, I opened a package to find my Formal Dress. the cutest, most amazing Lolita thing I've ever seen. I've ever owned as well... It fits me perfectly, but I don't have anything to go with it. No stockings, no shoes. I need the buckle-up sandals that Year 1's have, only with bows and lace. I need red or black gloves. I need... I need a partner. I need to get my hair curled. Despite it being months away, I can feel the stress already sinking in. I'm going as a Lolita. My parents were sketchy, but my father thinks it's alright. He says it's different. I think it's beautiful.

Surprising if I do get a date.

~

No more writing for Addison as of late. The part I typed up wasn't saved, I think. And I haven't got any 'creative juices' flowing. I'm gonna redo my artwork for Visual, as the idea Henry presented me with wasn't exactly what I had in mind, nor is it turning out right... I need to Erase/Replace (Foo Fighters), and redraw the characters I had.

I think the teacher's proud of me for being such a psychotic collector of many ridiculous things. I have yet to tell him of my collection of porcelain and such animals...

~

Aye,

Celine

Memories: Three Past Six and Thirty-Three Seconds

Last night I had the strangest dream.

~

I don't remember how I got there, but it was Ell-o, Henry and I in this intricate tunnel system. We were looking for this boy's father, who also turned out to be my father, as I was a guy. The man, an older teenager, told us that we needed to go to a certain tunnel and find him. I told him it was the one east while he argued it was west. I was given a few artefacts - a strange pair of scissors, an owl watch and this knife contraption. I took the watch because it would only go on me, as I was the "Good" one. 

He was standing behind this counter made of driftwood, and had many different items on the shelves. Beside him was this octopus that he used for light, which he case a spell on to burn its tentacles. We found the father, and he used to speak Spanish, but barely remembered any words. Near him there was this shed, and I almost found my real sister and mother in it, but they ran out into another room from a door that led out of the shed. The shed, inside, was my bathroom. I got into the bath and lay down in the water. 

The father talked about losing his teeth. He was an old man. We left him in the eastern tunnel and got to this building with a four-sided verandah. Two of the sides were blank, but on the third side, there was a tall brown door with a keyhole and beside it, a green one with an intricate door-frame. I couldn't open either. On the next side, I gave Ell-o the knife and looked over to a garden where there were these strange green people putting blue clay on their heads. They would wet it with water from a small fountain, and then mould it into a circle and put it on their heads. They stood for secrets. I jumped across a pond, and watched one put it on his head. I asked if I could hear the secret and he said that we weren't able to.

We left the garden and went to the teenager again. While going to him, we came across this kitchen cabinet, and thought maybe there was something special about it. I took a picture of it, but in the photo it came out differently. There was a microwave in the corner while everything else was wooden and old. Beside the cabinet, there was a television playing an old show in black and white. We continued to the teenager, where he told us to go to this tunnel surrounded by hearts. It was in the west, he said, but I told him we found Father in the east. 

The tunnel supposedly had hearts surrounding it, and he hadn't named it, so we had the honour. I was going to call it the Love Cave, but he was having trouble lighting his octopus' tentacles. He used magic to burn one at a time and keep them alight, but they kept extinguishing, and he yelled that he would eat it. All I could hear was it screaming, "It's too strong! It's too strong!" in a static voice. Unfortunately, it didn't stay alight, and he ate it by sucking it up like spaghetti. Then he pouted and pursed his lips. I left, but then it focused on him in a small area boxed in by bricks. 

He was trying to eat a huge tentacle monster, and it laughed at him when he couldn't. It pushed him to the ground, and whacked his head with a tentacle so that all you could see was his pursed lips. Even my dreams have humour. I panicked and asked how he died. I yelled and screamed, but then I woke up and never found out.

~

Hopefully, you have happy dreaming.

-Celine

Hunger: Twelve Past Seven and Fifty-Five Seconds

Work last night was horrid. Customers came in almost every second, and we barely had enough time to clean behind Front Counter and in Dining Room. As if that didn't make it any worse, yesterday was the swimming carnival, and it was the rowdiest one yet. The boys in the skate park kept on leering at the students, and my friends told them to go away, only in a much harsher tone. All the while, Henry and I were on the other side of the pool, talking about XBox games and how violent/scary/fun they are.

Ebony, a tall, lanky girl with black hair in my grade got up and told them to go away, and one spat in her face. She was so angry, but couldn't do anything, so she vented her anger with tears. I know how she feels. Earlier in the day, she tackled a guy next to me and they kept on bumping into me and almost drenched my work uniform. I flipped out at her.

A fight broke out between three guys as I went to get some food. This year 11 boy's shirt was torn and he was almost crying from anger, I suppose. I just didn't even know how it started, but another boy was calling him lily-livered and was being held back by teachers. It's so frightening and violent. The-boy-with-the-torn-shirt's girlfriend was crying. Maybe she was the start of all this.

~

I'm working again today. I'm slightly hoping it's something like last night, as I wouldn't have to do any cleaning. However, many orders means the backing up of food, angry customers. I didn't even take the woman's order...

They seem to have such short patience, that I bet they would lose it if they were in my position. Demanding public, whining children, dirty fingerprints - the lot. And the foul tables and bins overflowing. It could almost be a song or a depressing poem. I need to get a new job and I need to quit.

If Matt is training to be a Manager, he isn't doing a good job. He can't take Drive-through and fails with making ice-creams and sundaes. It's probably just 'cause he's new, but Buddy, you can't peddle us without knowing what the heck you're doing.

~

Adios,

Celine

Fright: Five Thirty-Five and Thirty Seconds

I walked down my road today. This time, however, I found another dead bird. That means I've seen four these least few days. I don't know whether they've always been there, or I'm just noticing them now, but the last bird was a pigeon. There were no ants on it. Nothing at all.


I found the carcass of the bird I saw the first day and took pictures of its skeleton. The second bird was missing, and the third was the other way down my road. The pigeon was still in relatively good shape. I took more late afternoon pictures of it. There's also a snake at the side of the road.


I think it may be a sign, besides the fascination, I am so afraid. There were birds circling the skies outside my house, and I was surprised they weren't vultures. The thing is there are no vultures in Oz. I'm sure they were just eating insects as it's their breeding season. 


~


As always, I'll mention him. He skipped third today, and I walked past him as he wagged with one of my sister's friends. He asked if I was okay and I told him I was fine. Because I was fine. Just a little disappointed and feeling jealousy, but fine nonetheless.


I got advice from Rain on a website. I feel very confident being single, but I'm afraid of being alone at the formal. If I'm okay with going with friends, maybe I'll get asked to dance. 


~


I also forgot to grab my cardboard from the office... So, that's three days of possible-artwork-making gone.


~


Kudos, 


Celine

Smitten: Five Forty-Three and Fifty Seconds

The trip to the art gallery was on today. The ATP was huge, and the artworks were beautiful. I think I took pictures where we weren't meant to, but the sign that was supposed to be showing was only a small image on the wall. It was set at my height and was smaller than we expected it to be. The art gallery's shop was no better. Not only being small, it didn't have the gloves I was after any more, and the art books were very expensive -- around $30 to $200.

I couldn't even bare to buy one. Instead, I got some badges. Six of them for about $21. Expensive, still. Now, I have to use the information and photos I found to fill out a sheet, and write an essay, the drafts of which are due in the seventh week... 

~

I talked to him again last night. Again, I feel like an oppressive stalker, who is suffocating her victim. He assured me that that was not so, but still I feel annoying. Perhaps these feelings of mine are what will lead him to class me as annoying. I should give him space and be on my way. 

~

A difficult day on the bus home today. A couple of loud, annoying girls were in the back seat and were throwing hard candy at me. Again. I ignored them, but who knows what will happen next? They were loud, screaming, and are very immature. Above all else, they are not attractive in the slightest. Although one is slightly pretty...

~

I went for another walk this afternoon. The disappointing part is that it never rains when I go walking. My legs are tingling from exercise and my feet are sore. But, on the way down I saw a cute dog in a neighbour's yard, and let him lick me while I pet him. Such a sweet dog.

~

Happy tidings, 

Celine

Expendable: Seven Past Eight and Twenty Seconds

I went for another walk today, the last being yester-night. I walked past the dead birds I saw before to the end of my road and back, where I was screamed at by some P-plate driver passengers. Which turned out to be my friends. They asked me if I wanted to go out with them, but I couldn't. I desperately want to now, because there's nothing to do at home, and I could be doing something with some great people.

~

I went for a walk with him today. His willingness to listen coincides with my horoscope, which I don't normally believe, but these ones seem accurate enough. He told me that I'm like so many other people when they first meet him - they don't expect him to be emotional on the inside when he's so happy on the outside at school. He's an insomniac. We sat together at some girls' area while they weren't there, and had a small conversation.

He told me I was like a girl he knew. And that she was bashing herself emotionally trying to figure out a way to help him. I am not doing that. But it makes me sad to know there's nothing I can do. We had to go to a speech, so I left him.

~

It rained again at school, which made me happy. Jamie was away yesterday because her house flooded. She told me she didn't mind me talking about him.

~

I know it's trivial.

-Celine

Obsolete: Four Thirty-Six and Twenty Seconds

I have nothing new to report to my non-existent audience. My weekend consisted of my father and I going to a recycling shop and then a shopping centre, to look for some cork-topped jars that I needed for art. I couldn't find any, instead buying a brooch and some sushi for lunch. My sister's friend slept over, and we watched the most frightening horror movie I have seen in a while. It was called Splinter. The most disturbing part of it was that dead people would come back to life, and that the limbs of the victims would snap and fingers would break.

I went for a walk today with two of my friends. Normally it would be Jamie and I, but she was away, along with Steph-who had gone for a check-up at hospital. I'm a little fearful of using names, but it's the only real way to identify my friends, without calling them "Blondie" or by code-names or letters. We had to bail on one of my friends, because he had to console his sister about a bad break-up. So, we gave him some privacy, but the bell for next class rang, so we left. I apologised to him for abandoning him, and he said he'd walk second break. 

Instead he bailed on us, again, I suppose. So Henry and I walked again, and talked about Prince of Persia and Dante's Inferno, which isn't out for PSP until the 25th of February. 

~

I contributed more to Addison's tale in Business. Turns out our competencies weren't filled out properly last year, so our new teacher has to rifle through all of the files and highlight everything that needs to be fixed on out files. What a disappointment that most of our work may have contributed to nothing. It says on my sheets that I'm competent, but not on the overall grade. I'm quite disappointed, perhaps even vexed at the lack of information we were given last year. 

Anyway, it now focuses on the Prince of the Pearl Citadel. I'll post the story here, hopefully people will read. It's not much, but I got a few 'popular' - A.K.A not very smart - girls to read them. One even asked me if I made up the word Citadel. I told her I didn't, but apologised in case she was talking about some other word, which she didn't get. I'm glad because I may have extended her vocab. one word. 

~

There's another story going down with my USB's. It's called "The Life and Death of Blaine Eclaire Vedoir". I've rewritten it from when I was in year 9, where I had done 84 pages. I'm now extending and cleaning up, as well as cutting out the filler content. There isn't a plot, I realised, but at the end, I have to have Blaine die. I'm just going into their pasts and how they came to be - her and Darius (her partner for missions).

~

Good day to you,

Celine

Inadequate: Four Forty-One and Forty Seconds

Sometimes I wonder whether he really needs me. If he has so many other people, then what makes me good enough to be part of it? He is worth so much more to me than I believe I am to him, yet he tells me that what I say is important. Aren't there a myriad of other people just like me to help him?

I feel inadequate. Like my company is unnecessary, like my sister is better company. I feel like everyone likes her better, because she's prettier, she's more fun, she's nicer. He says he plays no favourites, but I don't believe that. Everyone always ends up liking her better, so what would make him any different? I know he lies to me, because I am annoying. I am an obstacle. And I am no help whatsoever.

~

I've tried writing again today. Following the story of Addison as he heads north to find Lynden and ask her what the key means to the Pearl Citadel. This writing business, however, is very difficult, because despite having the plot planned out, I cannot keep up with every event. And I must also show their thoughts, feelings, motives and other behaviours that make these characters tick.

It's difficult. Much more so than I ever remembered. But I will not fail to deliver, nor pull away when I have something appreciated by at least one friend. She is the friend who is worth my time.

~

Sickness struck me down today in my first class. Walking is difficult, sleep beckons me. I want to curl into a ball and die. My friends suggested that I turn spherical, so that they can actually play soccer with my dried and dead ball body. It was a bright part of my day. But we never got to walk.

~

Sincerely,

Celine

The Seconds Past 9:09

Consider this an introduction.

My name is Celine.

I live in Australia and currently am in my last year of high school.

I take Biology, IPT, Business and Visual Art.

After school, I'm going to England and then Uni to study IT.

I draw in manga-style drawings in redundant poses.

I like the colour blue, cats and bright green grass.

I'm a gamer, an amateur writer, an avid reader and a budding artist.

I have many good friends, and know many more people by name.

I don't see myself with children.

I don't like Twilight, G.I Joe or anything set for Teeny-Boppers.

I don't like murky water, dirt or germs.

I don't like younger students.

I don't like loud noises, or loud people.

I don't like grammatical errors or misspelled words.

I don't want to go blind.

-Celine